HI Steve,
You certainly had good intention mentioning it. Between sassy and my name is a big difference; I’m happy when people keep the difference.
When you ask about the main problem then I have the feeling I have to go deeper into it, it is not a single thing. I’m not sure if I got all, as at one point, I just took copies and started freshly over.
I can’t really tell what the problem was based on a single item in the scene. When I opened the scene file here and played it from the start, there was a massive jump from the skirt towards the character. Which introduced a lot of dynamics. Of course, that can be on purpose, but that is not something that leads to an initially stable setup.
The Belt was made from a sphere, not adjusted to the shape of the needed Belt. Furthermore, the joint used moves, not the parts obviously where the Belt was. With the joint to the sphere to belt to skirt, that is a different information flow, which might work similarly. I’m not clear why the sphere was used, to have additional animation options? The Belt’s parameter of Hover has undoubtedly an influence of the ‘swimming” of the skirt. Dial it down if the sphere is shaped along the belly area.
The geometry is pretty rough for the skirt, and I thought to have some colliders during the relaxing, to support its folding, but that is already art directing, and I got no sign that the shape you go was not wanted. Kai had made a video about an idea to get a better cloth.
https://www.cineversity.com/vidplaytut/better_cloth_deformations
Again, this is art directing, and your call, of course.
The Expert Tab needs your attention, the default values are often sufficient, but mostly only close, and of course, sometimes not at all. One can slow down the system (at least mine) to nearly halt with too much calculation, based on those settings. After all, any “simulation” in 3D is a try to get away with a minimal fraction of real physical simulations. It is pretty much a simplification, nothing more.
A clean set up, like shaping the sphere, or modeling a proper belt if the original surface shouldn’t be used, is a good start. You excluded geometry that is not needed, which certainly helps a lot to cut down the calculation or have a better one with it, given the same amount of time.
I’m sure you will get there, and going through those things a few times will give you the certainty to be faster and quicker each time.
My best wishes.